Clueless Conclusion #4

My mind went on a rampage again like it sometimes does and I came to another few conclusions:

• One can get tennis elbows from playing squash.
• I found a solution to the predicament that the swimming pool’s water dries ones skin…….bubble bath in the pool duh!
• I realized that I don’t just dislike Jurie Els’s music, I hate it!
• If someone is called “Kabous” instead of the proper Kobus/Cobus, watch him closely, he is most probably trying to con you or busy stealing from you, another sign is his eyes are too far apart.
• I realized that it is not the norm on the East Rand to stop wearing clothes if you’ve grown 5 sizes!….I suppose there is nothing wrong with a white belly hanging out underneath your jersey! Gister se jean en vandag se boudjies!
• I realized that Mooikloof Ridge will most probably never ever have normal water supply ever again.
• I don’t like Pirates of the Caribbean.
• I realized Freaky can actually become angry!
  

Pirates of the Caribbean At Worlds End

I was in the unfortunate position to go and watch the third movie in the series of films about Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew this past Sunday. With my luck I was seated next to ‘n man three times my size who continuously leaned back to throw popcorn into his oral cavity tipping my chair to the back every time. This made sleeping quite difficult and therefore explains that fact that I was only able to sleep 1 of the 3 hour movie. The only positive about the movie is Keira Knightly’s flawless beauty, she managed to remain clean throughout the movie without a scratch, she reminded me of Hunter Tylo in a Lux advert ….”because she’s worth it”. To my delight I was informed that this was the last in the series films so I will never have to endure this again.

Score…….ag do me a favour…….

Back in the saddle

Good day my faithful readers, this is a lovely day indeed! The question might arise why am I in such a good mood for a change, and the answer to that is obvious. I fetched my car this morning! I went to the workshop with the expectancy of paying the R11000 that I had sleepless nights about. As I walked into the office ready to kick-up a fight as I sometimes do I realized that none of the personnel could look me in the eye, therefore I asked for the invoices and was pleasantly surprised that the price has miraculously come down by R2000 only because they miss judged me for a young naïve pushover, instead of the hardegat bliksem that I sometimes transform into when people try and take me for a ride without a saddle.

So I’m back in the saddle of the BMW, I just got used to the khaki clothes and the rooi velskoene of my mystic boer image. I must say I erase everything I said about selling the Beemer, there is no fucking way…….sheer driving pleasure (WITH power steering I might add).

Riaan verjaar

On Friday we all celebrated Riaan’s birthday the old fashioned way, and I mean really old fashioned way! We all traveled back in time to the middle ages for a party at Greensleeves that will be remembered for some time to come. It was the good old days when women was still lower than the value of the rand, and eating like savages (no pun intended Zeurika) and banging on the table with sticks was still acceptable.

For those who bargained to see me in tights, sorry to disappoint, I went for a alternative peasant outfit. Congratulations to Lord Harry Fartalot who has become Earl Harry Fartalot on Friday night. Just don’t get any ideas, this doesn’t mean you call the shots at work now as well.

Here are a few memoirs captured on film:

The man of the hour

John & me (we didn't have dates therefore we had to feed each other)

me and Flavio.. or is it Tony? I don't know anymore but I'm sure I saw him in Mr Bean's Holiday

me and Zeurika (the Savage)

Dawie, me and Lord Fartalot

Mystic Boer

For a while now I was wondering why I’m the lucky consultant getting all the agricultural clients of Optimus! I think it might have to do with the fact that Afrikaans is my first language. Today I’m driving my brother’s bakkie, after an unfortunate occurrance involving my BMW, and I must say I feel right at home in it, I think later on I might just go visit Agrinet for the fun of it……..

Winter Wonderland

I want to start off by saying brrrrrrr! As you know part of our jobs consist of working on projects at various clients around the country. Some of my colleagues get to go to idyllic places like Cape Town, PE, Dubai, London, Chicago etc. I’m in the fortunate position to run a project in the East, with that I don’t mean the East as in Asia but the East as in East Rand.

I don’t know why that is, maybe because I have an Eastern passport and I’m streetwise, but it’s not as if I drive a swooped up car or have a mullet on my head. So what I’m actually trying to get at is, this morning on my journey from Pretoria to the far East Rand to a place called Wadeville (otherwise known as Hellhole), I drive via Bapsfontein, Petit, Benoni, Brakpan and Boksburg. My car informed me this morning that the temperature outside between Bapsfontein and Petit was a mere -5’C and I have the picture to prove it.

The office we reside in at the client is inside a warehouse with roll-up doors on both sides that gives the wind free-flow access through the building, so please appreciate the effort put into this blog as my fingers are completely rigid at the moment.

Blue Bulls = 2007 Super 14 Champs

Deepest sympathy to the rest of South Africa that shouted against the Bulls on Saturday, once again it was proven which team is the best.

Talladega Nights was at night…….this was day!!!

Team Firebird walked up to the challenge to face four other professional kart teams at Kyalami race way on Saturday 19 May 2007. After observing the competition’s trailers, matching race suits and personal helmets, we soon realised we were probably the underdogs of the event. Nevertheless we pretended not to be scared and took up the challenge like men, even though we had a female member in our team which I might add has got more guts than most male rugby players playing for Non-Blue Bull rugby teams.

Ricardo (Alonso) started off our race with courage and kept our name high, followed by Nadine (Orange Lightning) who occasionally decided to take some traffic cones home, then it was Gerhardus (Habana Schumacher) who managed to write off our first kart in a spectacular way, on a good lap I might add, fortunately no-one was hurt. Then it was me (the one who made Herbie go bananas) I managed to perfect the art of kicking up some dust by spinning off into the barrier of tyres without obtaining whip-lash! After me was John T (Mansell) who setup our best lap time of 52 seconds by consistently flying around the track.

It is amazing that 85km/h in a small vehicle like a kart can feel much-much faster when you are sitting a few millimetres from the tar I must say that Team Firebird did exceptionally well considering this is not our day jobs unlike our opposition, who was very serious about the event, we still managed to end the four hour race only 30 laps behind the winning team.

Meet the people behind Team Firebird:

John, Me, Ricky, Nadine & Gerhardus

The karts

The track

John trying to catch a ride

I think you should wear that to work Harry

THE HILLS STILL HAVE EYES

Me and Freaky went to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 on Saturday. Just like the first movie, the sequel was also filled with numerous disturbing and gruesome scenes. The story line, like most sequels, failed to carry over the suspense of the first movie. At this stage you know who the mutant population responsible for the brutal killings is. Furthermore the director try and make the viewer believe it is based on a true story which I very much doubt unless it was shot on a remote farm in the Delmas district.

The Hills have Eyes 2 scores a 4.

Team Firebird - fired-up!

While the rest of the country have rugby fever the BW Optimus adrenaline junkies will be taking on the race track this weekend as Team Firebird (Optimus go-kart team). We are aiming for a podium position if some team members, who knows exactly who they are, manage not to drive into anything, but the main idea is to have as much fun as the Kyalami racetrack offer. Full details will be available on Monday same place same time.

Die Blou Bul eet nie van die vloer af nie, verkies haai-vin-sop

Good morning people. I realized this morning that it’s only 3 slapies before the Bulls take on the Sharks in Durban to fight for the Super 14 title. As a proud Bulls supporter I am very confident that my team will not disappoint their devoted fans even though we are playing on the opposition’s home ground. It is also a fact that every non-Bulls supporter in this country will shout against us, that’s just how it works. You either love them or you feel like an outsider and therefore pretend to hate them. Every pitiful Stormers, Cats/Lions and Cheetah supporter will dig up any piece of black clothing they own and wear it this Saturday as if they have been sharks all a long. I bet most of them will be wearing light blue underwear underneath their little black numbers!

Videos on blog

As a special treat check out the Casper De Vries videos on the right side of this blog. Make sure you are in a space where you won't disturb other people when you burst out in laughter.

Clueless Conclusion #3

Good morning everyone. This is one of those no-brainer blogs which reflects my current state of Monday blues combined with sleep deprivation. Trust all of you had a good weekend, I definitely did but there is not too much to report back on therefore I rather came to a few clueless conclusions instead.

• Bad service at a restaurant (or any business for that matter) is directly related to the absence of a backbone in the anatomy of the manager in charge.
• Washing your car before you visit family on the farm causes annoyance when you arrive and the back of the car is now a different color and texture.
• BMW’s are not really made for dirt roads, causes more annoyance!!
• Removing your car’s number plates when driving late at night from Jhb to Pta provides you with peace of mind.
• Parkhurst is a nice area to stay in.
• Woolworths sells a Chicken Mayonnaise pie that is really good.
• The water problem in Mooikloof Ridge persists, blah-blah-blah….directly related to the absence of backbones in local government!!!!!!!!!
• Helen Zille has got my vote!
• . . . . . . . .

A tribute to Mrs. G

It is evident that this has been an extremely busy week considering the amount of publications I managed to get out. Luckily we have reached the end of the first full work week in a while, and the weekend ahead is much needed. Just a reminder that this coming Sunday is in fact Mothers Day so don’t hold back.

I can honestly say that I’m blessed with the best mom in the world. I know what you are thinking, I’m not just saying that because she still does my laundry and I eat there regularly, I really mean it. I’m convinced that not only is she probably the most compassionate person in the universe, but Gwen also possesses several super powers. I mean raising four boys, of which I’m one, on her own, while running businesses, studying and still manage to retain her sanity, and manage to look like she’s our sister instead of our mother is quite remarkable. I can carry on-and-on for hours but unfortunately I have work to do.

Ek is seker ek kan namens Gebroeders Gouws praat as ek sê: Ma is die beste ooit!

Me and the Queen

PS. She is definitely the best cook in the world as well, that’s the main reason I have to swim miles and miles each day to stay in shape.

Be glad you missed this bus

On my way back to Pretoria late the other night as I drove through the N1/N14 split coming up to John Vorster the night suddenly turned into an array of flashing lights reminding me of an 80’s disco. Unfortunately this was no fun affair as it was in fact the flashing lights of emergency vehicles lighting up the night.

As I approached the scene I realized it was one of those long distance Gauteng to Polokwane (Pietersburg) public busses that malfunctioned in a rather spectacular way. The bus was lying on its belly across all three lanes of the N1. The luggage (probably including live chickens) stacked on the roof of the kamikaze bus was now scattered all over the tar surface. Fortunately for the passengers of the bus, the vehicle didn’t overturn after its back wheels just mysteriously disembarked from the chassis. Unfortunately the occupants of a Chrysler Crossfire were not as lucky, because they must have ended up underneath a truck as the accident occurred. The cabin of the Crossfire was completely flattened.

I don’t get angry that easily but this made me furious, considering that I’m fined for every time I dare to drive over the speed limit but un-roadworthy vehicles like this, carrying innocent desperate civilians, are not kept from the road as they post a threat to all of us. I think it’s time that our overweight Metro Police leave their coffee and doughnuts and get off their fat asses behind the speeding cameras and start attending to real threats like this . . . . and while their up, start regulating traffic in peak hour damn-it!

92-3 need I say more.....

Optimus takes on the Nedbank Challenge

Yesterday the true blue blooded Optimus team members took up the challenge of the Nedbank Challenge held in Emmerentia Johannesburg. I am proud to report back that despite the fact that we went into the race basically unprepared as none of us really trained for the event, we al finished within good time.

John (our own Bruce Fordice) ran the 10km race as if he was warming up, didn’t even build up a sweat as he passed the finish line. He was rewarded with a medal for his effort. Me and Dawie didn’t want to steal John’s thunder and therefore only ran the 5km race and finished in 28min 12 seconds. We were rewarded with empty plastic water bottles.

Seeing that Gerhardus didn’t pitch (some lame excuse about an asthma attack :-) ) he will be rewarded with buying the rest of the team Samoosas and Jelly Tots for the rest of 2007.

Hannibal Rising

After a frightening workday on Friday, me and Freaky were brave enough to go and watch the latest in the series of thrillers surrounding the mental illness of the infamous Dr Hannibal Cannibal Lecter.

Although I agree that this is most probably not even close to being the best of the series of movies, I do feel that it is worth watching, even if it is just to make more sense out of the reasons behind Dr Lecter’s insanity. Even though the movie is filled with brutal (visual) killings combined with some human appetizers that cause you to re-taste your lunch, the director manage in a strange way to shift the sympathy from the victims being slaughtered, to the almost gentlemen like cannibal taking his revenge, by making the reasons for his behavior known by flashing back to Hannibal’s childhood..

I must admit that the presence of Anthony Hopkins is greatly missed in the movie, and the actor playing the roll of the young Hannibal need some practice in putting on a psychopathic face. What I did appreciate was Hannibal’s widowed Chinese aunt whom I can say is kind of hot!

Hannibal Rising is worth watching if you are able to keep your dinner down, and do eat before you watch the movie because you will most probably lose your appetite unless you have psychopathic and cannibalistic tendencies yourself. The movie scores a 6.

Untitled Blog

Happy Friday everyone. Unfortunately we are standing at the end of a series of short weeks and long weekends. This weekend is the weekend when team Barloworld Optimus takes on the Nedbank challenge (or at least the non-lazy one’s amongst us). To some of you this will come as a surprise that I will actually be running, something I haven’t done since school days (which is not that long ago!) and even then I was more of a sprinter than a long distance endurance junky. Nevertheless I took the challenge and will report back on Monday (that’s if I’m still alive).

I went swimming this morning at the Virgin Active in Sandton before work as I sometimes do only to find that my swim buddy (Ryk Neethling) must have decided to sleep late today, but I don’t mind as that means I’m one ahead of him now :-). I also realized that it’s not only Mooikloof Ridge that experience water related problems, as I was busy taking a shower at the gym I looked down at some stage and was surprised to see that the whole floor was completely flooded, and water was about to stream out the door. Of course I quickly pulled a disappearing act, but if you hear anything on the news about the VA in Sandton being under water or closed until further notice……IT WAS ME!!!!!........

Squashed

In my quest to find a proper running shirt for the upcoming Nedbank Challenge this Sunday, I bought almost everything I needed from Sportsmans Warehouse, just not for running but rather for squash (racket, balls etc).

So I played squash for the first time in at least 5 years. To my surprise I didn’t do too badly considering the last time I played. I do feel the consequences of my actions this morning, but that might be partly the result of the fact that apart from playing a few games of squash I also did a 5km run as training for Sundays race.

So me and John unofficially decided last night that starting a Optimus squash league might be a good idea, seeing that we already have a triathlon team, marathon team, go-carting team and a quad-biking team, adding a squash team won’t be that difficult to organize, but considering that we don’t have any sponsors for any of these sports at the moment we might have to cut down on some, but you never know someone in a higher position in this company we work for might read this blog and decide to give us some financial backing as we are such valuable employees that deserve to be rewarded for our attempt to keep the company’s name high amongst more than just work related activities.