We in for a big “Party”

So South Africa is on the brink of going to the ballot in yet another Local Government election. I can’t help to see the humor in the politician’s desperate attempt to convince the last few indecisive voters to entrust them with their votes. I find it very interesting that the ever so powerful ruling party in particular is showing signs of desperate measures (…is it desperate times?). Suddenly re-promising houses, jobs and better services. What would be different this term? How much of previous election promises turned out to be empty? What about trying the alternative? My view is we don’t have much to lose in having a lady in power, probably much to gain, we all want to live in Cape Town? The only thing that the ANC could find wrong with Cape Town is open lavatories! Trust them to bring up toilet talk, talking sh!t is probably the first language of the Youth League leader not to even mention our president who is threatening voters with ancestral discontent if they were to vote for any other party. Yes this is president of a country saying that! Come on people vote for someone with brains, guts and passion…..just vote!

The Art of Good Living

As I've mentioned in the previous article, I'm currently residing in the sometimes known snobbish northern suburbs of Johannesburg called Sandton. So I just happened to parked next to our very own South African socialite and author of "The Art of Good Living" Me Edith Venter herself at the robot in William Nichol this afternoon.

Now I'm sure you know as well as I do that she has an eye for a man in a convertible, if I'm not mistaken thats how she and her current (I think 4th) husband met, but I will have to go back a couple of editions of Huisgenoot to verify, apart from having her toes licked. But in anycase, those of you who know me well enough would know that an opportunity like this I purely cannot resist. So obviously my roof was down in a matter of seconds while I was searching for a business card to throw in her direction.

Unfortunately I was too late and the traffic light turned green and dear Edith showed me what a Audi TT with extra skurtings can do down William Nichol. I don't know if she was on an advanced driving course in order to escape from paparazzi, or is she has a dark secret backround of street racing which our loyal editor of Huisgenoot haven't discovered yet as she was too busy haunting down Joost and dogging warm tea cups from Steve.

Then I thought maybe she has moved on from exchanging business cards at robots but rather liked to be chased these days, so I stepped down on my Steptronic and moved in on her quickly to the discomfort of a few people in small white cars on their way back to the south. For a few moments I thought, was it really her? But when I got closer I reassured myself that there is only one lady in this town with a hairdoo so perfect and stable which can withstand any form of natural desaster and that is our Edith.....

Where we came from

It has been close to 5 months since my last posting on Clueless Conclusions. I'm pretty sure my regular readers have moved on with their lives by now, which I suppose I have to be proud of. This is the new season of the column, I realised recently that even though my life has been filled with all kinds of exciting things, one thing was missing....guess what that is?

So where have I been you may ask? Ag seker nie ver nie..... but the real question is maybe where am I going to. Seeing that this is the first episode of a new season of this soapy, lets have a quick recap on the previous seasons so that you don't have to go back into the archive to catch up, but if you choose to do so, feel free because that probably means you have seen all 4 seasons of Prison Break in 3 days....must say I'm still impressed that there are people that manage that with a day job and a social life...

Clueless Conclusions started way back in the day when I was a dedicated Blue Bull supporter in Pretoria East, I even had a blue flag somewhere along the line, I once remember driving in Pretorius street with it sticking out of the window of my then BMW. I can look back now and realise that it didn't quit fit the picture because my car didn't have a towbar with blue balls swinging at the back, nor did it have horns on the front, I also didn't have a stukkie on the passenger seat shouting the bloubull sukkel nie sy roer af nie, but instead my dear reserved mother.

I lived in a estate which went through thick and thin without water for months, security gaurds that prevented us from entering our own properties, the list goes on, but not all were bad, it was almost like the Ropers with Mr Furley living next door, in this case his name was Hendrik. Not only did he make decent coffee and could I borrow the odd cup of milk (those of you who knows my fridge would understand...don't know why I have one), but he also could read Tarrot cards which freaked me out a bit, but for the life of me I can't remember what the cards said and now I wouldn't know if it came true. I left Pta east at 5 am every morning in order to miss traffic to Sandton. That caused me to trade in my car ever so often which was not such a bad thing if you think about it.

Somewhere along the line in 2007 I saw the light and realised that I can actually do my own laundry, or at least pay someone to do it, so I moved accross the Jeukskei to the big bad city of Johannesburg and started to get a life away from the sad soles on the N1. My life took a big flip in the process, I joined Colonel Sander's restaurant business and have been forced to eat chicken for the past two years now. I have met lots of new interesting people which form part of my life now which might feature in the column from time to time depending on how much they pay me to keep my mouth shut.

I recently discovered I'm turning grey, which I suppose is what you get if you decide to take an early midlife crises and buy a convertible in your late twenties, or maybe it has a more personal conectation to it. I'm planning my retirement in the next ten years, so Freaky and I are going to be rich beyond believe in the near future.

Ok I'm off to see an old friend that flew in from Dubai to come and cool down in SA.

"What goes on tour goes on Facebook"

I consider the time I spend under water, in the pool in the mornings at 5h30am, probably the most philosophical moments of my routine day. As I was gliding from one side to the other this morning, I thought about the inquisitive nature of the human being. I recently came to the realization that certain people would actually go to arms length to scrutinize the lives of others to gather as much information as possible.  The motive for these actions differ vastly and with some I can easily live with. 

Example, if the police are investigating your every move they probably have a good reason and have a responsibility towards society to monitor you in order to manage potential risk. If my mother wants to know where I am, and if I arrived home safely it is because she cares and are concerned about my well being. 

On the other hand if my colleagues at work knows who I see for lunch, where I hang out over weekends, who I see in my spare time without me sharing any of that information, I start to get slightly worried. I never imagined that buying a convertible would be like adding rocket fuel to a Sunday afternoon braai the way the gossip flared up when I drove the new two-seater into the basement. 

I always considered a gym as a place of exercise and maybe a bit of socialization, ….not anymore. People whom you don’t know become your facebook friends in order to get a heads up on a bet to find out as much as they can. If a total stranger asks you in the sauna how your infected eye is holding up these days, I want to call Mr Bolhuis for protection. How did he know that and what value does the information have for him? If three people follow you to your car I consider buying a gun…ok maybe just pepper spray guns are a bit extreme. 

Then there are the people you would like to show interest in your life but just doesn’t give a hoot, those are usually the nice ones I came to realize but I think that’s a topic for a Sunday afternoon. Then you get individuals pretending not to be interested and then spying on you behind fake internet identities. These are the ones slightly messing with my brain. 

I saw a T-shirt saying: “:What goes on tour goes on Facebook”…very true! 

To set the record straight on a couple of things which might save some people some effort: I do not take money underneath the table from suppliers, I just don’t have children, timeshare or a drug habit to fund therefore can afford a Z4. If I didn’t tell you in person I am buying a new car it’s not a personal vendetta. If I spend a lot of time with someone it doesn’t necessarily mean I have relations with that person. 

And then I got out of the pool. . . 

Marley & Please Not Me

I realized not all Labradors are the sweet and well tempered dogs that you always see accompanying people with dark glasses and white sticks. If they don’t finish school they can actually destroy an apartment and even a marriage as well. All of this was evident in the kind of sad predictable movie called Marley & Me.    

I must compliment the director for his selection of the cast, who can portray a whining frustrated housewife better than Jennifer Aniston. If you thought Ross in Friends had it bad, you should watch poor Owen Wilson suffer in this 2 hour drama. Who can blame him for directing his feelings towards his best friend (Marley the ill mannered pooch that eats fax machines!). Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I think the movie was bad, in fact it was probably a very accurate portrayal of so many married couples lives, sad but true. 

After watching this movie I watch one of the worst movies ever produced, I’m not even going to elaborate on this as it is a complete waste of time. The words Ben Stiller should be considered warning signs as a rule.   

A New Chapter

Since the previous post, we entered a new year, a year filled with many challenges, opportunities and of course intricacies that kept the first quarter of the year anything but dull. My own personal life was no exception. I turned 29 in January which was in a way nostalgic as it is the last year before being an old man, or at least that was my perception until now that I tiptoe closer to the big three zero myself.

I have always considered myself as being slightly more mature than my peers, as arrogant as it might sound it is proven by the fact that I am going through a midlife crises at age 29. Whether it means I will only reach age 58, or it is just my impatient  nature that made me decide I cannot wait until my middle age to drive a convertible, therefore I went out and down graded my car to a little two seater  beast  with,  of course a soft top.

You have to agree that the whole idea of wind through your hair makes so much more sense while you still have hair to gust in the wind, and in fact sunburn on a bold head could be quite dangerous unless you have a proper comb-over cemented down by brilcream.

I turned right into 2009 out of 2008 which seems to be a good neighbourhood never before travelled, 2008 was a well looked after suburb, but as they say “bo blink en onder stink” I was almost hi-jacked on the corner of 11^th and 2008, luckily I escaped unharmed, or at least no visible scars. (for the blonde readers – this was figurative speech, so if you don’t understand ....don’t worry about it ) 

Dear Diary

I don’t keep a diary therefore I just want to jot down a few pointers on here so that I can look back one day with a tear in my eye on the what life was like as a twenty something.

Friday night
- I rediscovered why people buy a Mercedes Benz SLK. So that you can drive through the city topless on a beautiful summer evening. I don’t understand the Theuns Jordaan part just as yet, but I suppose anything goes in a German sports car because you kind of set the rules in any case.
- Heinrich arrived from Cape Town in style of course I expect nothing less, another expensive German auto.

Saturday
- Started early with coffee in my own bed, now that I can get used to!
- Breakfast with Gwen in Pretoria,
- Hard physical labor at no 97 Oak Hill to prepare for new tenants
- Josua Gouws turned 3, of course I had to attend the party and consume some cake.
- Gym session to burn off the cake.
- Dinner at Vintage Fresh with some of the most interesting people in Gauteng whom I call my friends. Please don’t make any assumptions on any of the photographs on facebook. I don’t know how it happened that I woke up on my bed (fully made) at 5 am with my party clothes on….suppose that’s proof of a successful party.

For some reason I just had to include this picture to make a few of my friends jealous

Sunday
- Early greasy breakfast at Hyde Park.
- The best medicine for a hangover is exercise, so I had the most amazing swim after breakfast.
- Spent lunchtime next to the pool in the glorious sun, with good company I might add ….
- Early dinner at the airport with Heinrich before he departed again.
- Late evening tea with Mr Big.
- Then finally bed.